Sunday, December 26, 2010

...first Edwardian Jackal Book on Sale at Lulu.com...


The first in a series of books are on sale now at Lulu. "Powder Blue Gentleman" is an anthology of writings that were essentially in too many places, now collected in a short volume.

The hard copy is $8.99 and the digital version only $1.99.

Please shoot me an e-mail at admin@edwardianjackal.com anytime to let me know what's up!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!


Yeah, I said it like it's a bad word - but it's really not. Peace on Earth, please!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

...last minute gifts...the "7" ideas that can make Christmas smooth sailing...



Ho ho…ho shit, you’re late with the gifts. Aunt Sylvie just showed up from North Dakota and is expecting you make nice after you ruined Christmas 1989. But, you got 4 days, right? You got the swagger and this “easy-so-stupid-go” guide. This “7” list is in no particular order:

7a. SHIPPING BY CHRISTMAS: if you hurry most major online stores are offering shipping, some free, before or on Christmas. It’s crazy! It’s definitely a new trend, but take advantage before World War III crops up late this next year! Places like pajamgrams.com, ihatestevensinger.com, proflowers.com, are all offering great deals! But you GOT TO DO IT NOW!!!
7b. DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTION: updating since it's one day till...but you can also get digital subscription or e-books that allow folks to instantly get a gift. Both Barnes and Noble and Amazon allow this.

6. NETFLIX: passes are so easy to get, throw it in a nice envelope and you’re set. Anyone, any age, have always appreciated a pass in my humble opinion. It’s so easy to use and addictive for all. We can ALL get behind addiction, right?

5. ONLINE GIFT CERTIFICATES: GameStop, for example, let’s you order by Noon on the 24th, to send a definite 25th e-mail delivery of their “Digital Gift Certificate”. Give it a go based on the person’s likes. Target has their e-Gift Cards – everyone’s into Target.

4. PHYSICAL GIFT CARDS: are virtually everywhere now. My favorite spot is VONS, they have the most and offer gift tin boxes to go with them. Plus they have cards. And they got chocolates. And they are open around the clock. And it’s not crowded. Why don’t more folks shop there?

3. CVS/WALGREENS: don’t misunderestimate the commuter store. They actually have a few gifts, plus, you need to stock up on cold medicine. I know. I’ve been rifling through your cupboards. Now, don’t get me wrong, they ain’t the best presents, but they have enough to make a choice. Plus, it’s not my fault you waited. It’s yours. Take responsibility (since the President said so).

2. DICK PICS. By that I mean Dick Cavett, Dick Clark, Dick Jones. And by that I mean I’m just kidding: no one wants that.

1. CASH, BITCHES! Nothing wrong with some crisp dollar bills, y’all. Seriously, go to the bank and ask for some nice clean, uncirculated wads of dough. Throw that in a nice envelope and you set. Bonus if you get some novelty amounts: gold presidential dollar coins, $2 bills, ½ dollars, etc. The coin store is nearby and, trust me, there is not a mile-long line.

Now you can wipe that sneer from the Aunt Sylvie’s face with a wad of cash to replace her beloved yarn purse and a picture of Dick Morris.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

...yet another holiday "7" list: don't buy this shtuff...



Like Cee-Lo Green yelling "Why?!?!?" in the fabulously inspired and appropriately titled "Fuck You" song, "Why do folks buy these gifts for men?" I don't know. But as we go through you may understand where I'm coming from. Or maybe not. Take notes and see if you ever ruined someone's Christmas...

7. The MEDIA gift. This includes movies, music or video games. Don't bother, really. I hear the men out there thanking me. Media gifts are personal, 9 times out of 10 you will make the wrong choice. Why? Men simply buy the media shit they want. Truth! Unless you have the cocksure choice, avoid this. Nothing worse than trying to crack a smile because someone bought you a compiliation of 70s rock ballads, or some movie because they have a vague idea that you like classics, so why not this, it looks like the other movies on his shelf. "Hey, 'Ghostbusters' on the 360 looks really funny, plus its in the bargain bin. He'll love this!" Somewhere a dog wails in the night.
ALTERNATIVE: Just give the gift card at this point.

6. CLOTHING. Phew! Like above, you're going to get the style, comfort or size wrong. You're effectively throwing crap in his face.
ALTERNATIVE: If you must, throw in the gift receipt and get ready to never, ever seeing him in what you chose.

5. JEWELRY/WATCHES. Again, men's style in the last three items are PERSONAL. Men have a very distinctive, very narrow line of desire there. Funnily, we'll leave the bar with just about anything. But we'll scoff at a watch unless it's an Omega, and throw the lion's head ring in the nearest gutter inlet. See my last post.
ALTERNATIVE: If you want them to accessorize, look into a lighter, a wallet, hankies - just avoid an ugly ass necklace or bracelet to whence it came.

4. BOOKS. I love books. Really. But, unless you know me for at least a decade, you can save it. The best is when someone forces their politics on you during the holiday. Left or right, it doesn't matter, you've spit in the coffee. Forcing folks to be green, or that so and so is an idiot: come on. It'll be thrown in the recycle bin: that's being green.
ALTERNATIVE: gift card at their local bookstore. Bonus points for those that can figure out a solid e-book reader for the distinguished chappie.

3. SHEYIT FROM A CATORAG. To translate, you know those catalogs that come this time of year. They have fiber optics in them. They are sweaters or throw blankets. They are trimmers, massagers. They are shit. WHO...who, who would want these? The old adage holds true: don't get something you wouldn't want for yourself.
ALTERNATIVE: find a few nicer catalog joints. The LL Beans, the REI, Signals, Entertainment Earth...

2. HATS.
ALTERNATIVE: death.

1. ANYTHING WITHOUT HEART. If you don't care, it'll show. Best thing, if you care, is to sit down for about ten minutes and brainstorm a bit. Take the top three ideas, do a web search, and you'll wind up with something better than what you would have initially started with. You're a smart cookie if you jot stuff down in your brain (your personal binder, get one) through the year when stuff comes up in conversation.

I ain't perfect, trust me. I've made the list of offenses periodically. If I did, I'll be honest: I didn't give an eff. Truth is fun!